my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
