No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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