did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize