I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
