Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize