my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
