We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
