he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
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