guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
