Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
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