My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
