i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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