So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
