Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
