Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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