So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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