there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
