I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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