I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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