The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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