hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize