So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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