The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
