Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I wish i was in the wii world.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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