i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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