had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
