i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
