You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
