my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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