you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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