i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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