maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
