Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize