There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Holy shit dude........stairs
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
