really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
