I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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