i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
