Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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