I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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