T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
