It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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