did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
