She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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