It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
50% drunk capacity currently
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
