Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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