so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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