I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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