I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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