I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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