nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
