FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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