I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
