My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
