these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize