Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
