marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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