She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
