oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
