Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
