he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
