and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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