Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
