Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize