OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
He did a backflip because drugs
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