I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
