I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
