im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
