I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
