when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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