How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
