I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
