woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
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