so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Randomize
