i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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