he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
