3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
It's shark week go big or go home
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
