whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
then he tried to convert me to islam
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
