Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
