you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
