You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
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