Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize