end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
