his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
