Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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