You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
We are all done wearing pants today
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize