thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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