The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
