I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
