He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
