you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Someone signed my nipple.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
