More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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