I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
