Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
