Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Bring me that man meat
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
