True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Randomize
