the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
pray to the hookup gods
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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