is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
