You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
