you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Randomize
