but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
