What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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