So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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