I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
