I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
